Couvad (Iron Man fic: Rating: PG)

[marienomad]

Canon: Iron Man
Author: Marie Nomad
Rating: PG Genre: Humor/Friendship
Characters: Happy, Tony, and some Pepper
Summary: After a late night of shopping, Happy Hogan thinks that Tony is dying again.  Will he just stand by and let history repeat itself? Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel Comics.  I don't own any of them.  This is for the its_always_been challenge: cliches with a twist.  The cliches being covered is 8 and 10.   Many thanks to arcanelegacyfor the betareading help. 

All characters belong to Marvel Comics.  I don't own any of them.  This is for the its_always_been challenge: cliches with a twist.  The cliches being covered is 8 and 10. 
 
Couvad
By Marie Nomad
 
He was a predator looking for his prey.  Tony Stark: billionaire, father-to-be, sex god searched the place for his prize.  "I found it!" Happy gushed as he carried a huge box of cheese whiz. 
 
"Good job," Tony said as he looked at his grocery list.  "Okay, we got the cheese whiz, the peanut butter, pickles, blueberry bagels, and the antacid tablets all in bulk.  This should last us about another month.  Thanks for coming with me so late at night.  I didn't want to be ambushed without my... suit."
 
"It's okay.  This is a lot safer than the French District."
 
"Whoa!  We never talk about that, remember?"
 
"Oh.  Right," Happy shrugged.  "I thought that you could handle yourself without the suit thanks to all that training with C- Steve."
 
"Yes, but that doesn't mean that I can just walk around alone," Tony commented as Happy pushed the cart to the checkout lanes.  He paused as he closed his eyes and put his hand over his stomach. 
 
"Are you okay?"
 
"Yeah, just fine.  It will pass."
 
Happy stared at him.  Tony had been looking a little off lately.  He didn't really think about it until now since Pepper had been pregnant and so he had been focusing on protecting her.  Happy studied Tony as he paid for the items in cash.  Pepper and Tony had confided in him about Tony being sick from his reactor and that was why he was acting like a jerk for a while.  If Tony was sick again, would he hurt Pepper again?
 
"Yoo hoo, Earth to Happy." Tony interrupted Happy's thoughts.
 
"Oh, right away." Happy quickly helped Tony with loading the food into the station wagon that Tony bought and fixed up so he could go out without people following him.  On the outside, it looked like a normal average Audi S4 Avant station wagon, but Tony had fixed it up so that it has a brand new motor, bulletproof armor and windows, an arc reactor for a battery, and special repulsors so that it could fly.  Tony haven't had a chance to use that last feature yet because of airspace restrictions.
 
Happy started driving the station wagon towards the manor and kept on glancing at Tony.  He was looking a little pale and he was dressing in more clothes.  The bodyguard started to get mad.  So, Tony's lessons with Captain America had made him into a better hand to hand fighter than he is.  So, Natalie's could beat up ten goons while he was struggling with just one.  So, Tony's new friends could knock him out with his pinky if he wanted too.  Did that mean that Tony didn't trust him anymore?
 
Finally, they reached the house.  "Welcome home, sir." JARVIS greeted as Tony and Happy brought in the food.  Several of the robots rolled in and took the heavy bags. 
 
"Thanks, JARVIS." Tony put his hand over his mouth and then dashed to the bathroom.
 
"Boss!" Happy chased after him.  He heard Tony throwing up in the bathroom. 
 
"He's throwing up again, isn't he?' Pepper sighed as she walked in.  She was barely her pregnant bump but she had a certain glow about her. 
 
"He wasn't...  well..." Happy asked.
 
"He hasn't been drinking and he's not dying." Pepper's face was in classic poker mode.  He knew Pepper well enough to tell when she was hiding something.  His heart ached at the idea that Pepper didn't trust him either.  They had been through so much together, especially during the months that Tony was in Afghanistan. 
 
After the toilet flushed, Tony stumbled out. 
 
"I'm okay."
 
"No, you're not!" Happy had it.  He will get some respect from these two and find out what was going on.  "I understand that you are better at defending yourself especially with all that training and that your new friends are really powerful but I'm still your bodyguard!  I deserve to know if you are sick or dying so that I can at least try to protect you!  If you don't tell me right now, I quit!"
 
Tony's jaw dropped.  "I- I had no idea you feel that way.  I do trust you, really.  Okay, the truth is, I'm pregnant."
 
"Huh?"  Happy couldn't think of anything to say.  He knew that anything is possible with Tony Stark but what he was suggesting defies all possibility. 
 
Pepper explained looking guilty.  "It's couvad syndrome.  Tony thinks he's pregnant.  In fact, he feels more pregnant than I am."
 
"It's karma.  All those women that I pleasured in the past had their revenge on me." Tony lamented as he went to the kitchen and got out the jar of pickles and a jar of cheese whiz.  He drooled as he took out a pickle and dipped the entire pickle in cheese whiz.  "Oh yeah,"  he shoved the pickle into his mouth while Pepper looked away. 
 
Happy nearly felt sick at the sight and a part of him felt sorry for his boss.  Tony  would have felt embarrassed about the situation.  He could just imagine all of the tabloids making it sound like he was really pregnant.  "I... I'm so sorry."
 
"You were worried, that's normal.  Just don't tell anyone about this.  I will get better after Pepper gives birth.  This is a pain; the backaches, the cravings, the lactating-"
 
"Lactating?!" Happy exclaimed.
 
"Only once in a while.  Not a word to anyone."
 
"Not a word."
 
"Good.  And Happy?"
 
"Yes, boss?"
 
"I still trust you to watch my back.  Got it?"
 
"Thanks."
 
The End